From the mind of a mild mannered maniac

Archive for September, 2017

I’m so sorry!


I am so sorry.

I try so hard to be a decent human being, so hard, in fact, that I seem to spend my life apologizing for things that I apparently needn’t be sorry for. I then promptly apologize for apologizing.

I called a friend, the other night. He was in the middle of his supper, and said he would call me back later. I couldn’t possibly have known his family were having a later than usual repast, or that he had a bad day, and yet I apologized for the interruption. Later, when he returned my call, I apologized again.

I won’t bore you with the content of that conversation, but suffice it to say, his day had not been a resounding success. My buddy recounted, at length, and in gory detail, a figurative, landslide of, mistakes, miscues and misadventures, the likes, of which, he’d never known. Hence his frazzled demeanor.

As usual, as in most situations like this, I was struggling for an appropriately savvy reaction. Did I offer a solution? Offer commiserations? Seek out the silver lining?, Lighten the mood with some witty repartee? Nope.
I reverted to my stock response,
“Sorry about that.”
“Omg,” he growled. ‘Would you please stop apologising every two minutes! None of this is your fault!”
Not the reaction I was expecting. I thought he would thank me for my thoughtfulness, or something similar. Clearly what he needed from me, was a sounding board.

For some reason, I have this, lame, habit of taking resonsibility for all the world’s woes. As I write these words, I realise just how silly this must sound, but it’s like somewhere deep down in my psyche , I feel like I must be single handedly responsible for poverty, famine, global warming, terrorism, earthquakes, hurricanes, blight, the world economy and everything else that’s wrong in the universe.
Even on a personal level, I feel badly about things i might have said or done, or things I should have said or done, that the other people in my life are unconscious of, or completely unconcerned about.

“You’re far too sensitive”, is a frequent refrain.

Does this happen to you?

I lay awake, some nights, wondering if I’ve impressed upon my friends and loved ones, sufficiently, just how much they’re loved and appreciated, or if I’ve apologised for the least significant of things.

I know I shouldn’t apologise so much, and I don’t mean to, but it is a compulsive behavior that, try as I might, I can’t seem to purge myself of.

Maybe I am too eager to please, or have some deep-seated need to be liked by everyone, or perhaps I’m just like everyone else, flawed, imperfect, human.

Hmmm….This little post got a little more introspective than I intended,

Sorry about that. ☺


The Scent of Summer

I loved the scent of summer in the August air
on our stroll along that lonely stretch of sand
So young were we, unfettered, and without a care.
The future was wide open and unplanned

We thought ourselves invincible, unerring,
Young lovers we, so vibrant and alive.
No concept yet of lessons we were learning,
Nor the basic tools we needed to survive

As life and all its woes came in to view,
we wondered where our carefree days had gone
But our love, it was the lasting kind, and so it grew
We took our licks, yet still we soldiered on

Throughout it all we toiled, and were happy
Life got sweeter still as hurdles cleared
We were building for a future, for a family,
And year by blessed year perfection neared

On looking back I wouldn’t change a single thing,
I was happy for each new dawn to arrive.
As time flew quickly by, as if, on guilded wing
We proudly watched our children grow and thrive.

I love the scent of summer in the August breeze
As we gaze upon this lovely stretch of land
Silver in our hair and Grandkids on our knees
We bless the fading sunlight, hand in hand.


Why am I too busy to write,

when I have so much I could say

When the Time I cling to, with all my might,

Escapes my grasp and slips away.

Then, ample time avails me

Divine inspiration goes awry

And though I plumb the depths of my memory

I find nothing of note, to decry.

Perhaps a momentary glimmer,

A chance encounter of bard and muse

Some roiling couplets will simmer,

But then they, just as swiftly, defuse.

“No, please don’t go!” I beg, I plead,

I search blindly through the haze,

Coherent thought is all I need

A moment’s peace, a turn of phrase

But alas the opportune moment has gone

Inspiration has truly fled

my fine composition has moseyed along,

And I’m left with this crass thing, instead.

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