I can deny it no longer folks …..
tomorrow (May 4th 2013) is my 50th Birthday.
There, I’ve said it!
When I turned 30 all those decades ago, I honestly thought my life was ending. I had no more excuses, my youth had faded, it was time to man-up and to embrace some foreign thing called adulthood, whatever that was.
It meant that I had to focus attention on the future, my future. I had to start doing boring stuff like, acting responsibly, and showing a modicum of maturity. Oh the horror!!! I was becoming one of those strange “adult” people, you know, the types? The party poopers that always leave a rave before midnight , that deliberately watch news and current-event programs on TV, or willingly drive mini vans loaded down with drooling, screaming kids? The kinds of people I had mocked, teased, and rebelled against for the first 29 years of my existence? Sorry about that btw) In those days, I didn’t “feel” older, and if I ignored the calender for long enough, if I stayed away from mirrors and bright light, I could still pretend to be a kid. Couldn’t I???
Then came 40….Oh boy I was dragged kicking and screaming into that decade, let me tell you!!!
Anyway, as that big day approached, I fought like a Roman gladiator to remain thirty something. “How old are you?” Friends would ask me. Yikes! I could never bring myself to say “I’m almost 40″, oh no, not I! That, was too much like giving up, was tantamount to admitting defeat!. No, Instead, if I couldn’t summon the nerve to say ” mind your own bleeping business”, I would say “I’m thirty nine and a bit” then I was 39 1/2 then 39 5/8, 39 3/4, 39 7/8, but never forty no, not that!! Forty was unthinkable.
So why am I telling you all this?
Hmmm…. why indeed?
Well, tomorrow I turn 50, or to say it another way… half a century. Imagine that? Do you realize how much has changed in five long decades? Well let me tell you, a whole lot of water has passed under that bridge, Buddy! Heres the kicker though, for some unknown reason, I can say it openly and without cringing (too much). 😛
I don’t know what has changed in me, am I giving up the battle? Has senility taken me hostage? Has the real Cliff Lewis been taken hostage by aliens? No I don’t think it’s any of the above. I think I might just be coming to grips with the idea somehow. Time to change teams my friend.
Each morning now, I wake up with a little less gusto than I used to, feel the aches and pains incurred by the previous day’s not-so strenuous activity, and sigh as I catch a glimpse of my steadily thickening waistline.
I groan a bit with the effort of raising my pathetic torso from the bed, and take it all in stride. Even as I glance at my visage in the bathroom mirror, the wrinkles and furrows and ravages of time that confront me there. The streaks of grey that are starting to out-number the brown on my matted head,at the hairs that protrude like bristles from nose and ears. I’ll leave that delightful image in your minds for a moment, and yet…..
I can smile inspite of it all. You see, I’m still breathing, still have my health (pretty much) and am surrounded with good people who love me and/or tolerate my existence in their lives. There are probably a great many poor souls born since 1963 that sadly, can’t say the same thing. 😦
I may not be young but I am alive and for that I am more than grateful! 😀
So, to all my fellow “Nifty Fiftys” and soon-to-be’s out there,
Congratulations on half a century of survival!
p.s My good cyber-friend Johnny C. sent me me the following amusing article courtesy of…
go ahead, have a good laugh at my expense! ;D
Turning 50 Jokes
Turning 50 often comes with some good-natured ribbing and humorous observations. If you or someone you know is turning 50, and can appreciate a few jokes about aging less than gracefully, here are some jokes you can share.
One-Liners About Turning 50
Humor is subjective, but perhaps a few of these jokes will give you a chuckle. If they do, pass them on.
You know you’re 50 when…
- Your face has more wrinkles than an elephant’s backside.
- You can look back on your 40th birthday and wonder what all the drama was about.
- You’re thankful when someone tells you that you have lipstick on your teeth because it means you still have teeth.
- You purchase your moisturizer by the case instead of by the jar.
- Hair dye goes on your shopping list under “essentials” instead of “luxuries.”
- That come hither look you used to have in your eyes just doesn’t look as enticing through your bifocals.
- Your once fabulous behind now looks more like a set of mud flaps.
- Your hot flashes result in savings on your heating bill.
- You finally understand that being over the hill beats being planted under it.
You know you’re 50 when…
- You now have more hair on your knuckles than you do on your head.
- Your idea of getting lucky is being able to find your car in Walmart’s parking lot on the first try.
- You have to use your GPS to locate your feet because you can’t see over your belly.
- Your trick knee goes out more than you do.
- Your idea of a hot time is putting a heating pad on your bad back.
- You want your kids’ to think you’re cool, so you ask them to help set up your own page on MyFace and you can’t understand what they’re giggling about.
- Getting some action means all those prunes your doctor is making you eat are doing their job.
- You and your teeth have decided that a separation is the best thing for your relationship.
- Getting high means it’s time to take your blood pressure medication.