dilapidated wooden fence, the tension between
them palpable. Hatred fairly oozed like so much putrid
perspiration from every pore.
aim. Kyle winced and fingered his tender jaw.”You’d be minced meat b’now!” He bellowed, “If I were ten years younger!””Oh yea, You and what army? Come on, fight like a man!”Macgregor lunged and missed again; he grunted with the exertion and grabbed at the
fence to steady himself. The rail came away in his hand.Recovering quickly he hefted the wood and swung it like Babe Ruth’s favourite bat.
The makeshift club struck Smiley square on the shoulder, and sent him sprawling
across the lawn.
“Not smilin’ now are ya, ya smug buzzard?”
Smiley grimaced as he clenched his injured shoulder. Outrage blazed in his glowering
eyes and beat red complexion.
“You nose-picking coward,” he hollered, “can’t fight w’ya fists, so ya break up m’fence to
“Your fence…..! I don’t need no feeble stick to kick your behind. Come over here ya mealy-
mouthed buzzard; I’ll thrash you old style!”
If he’d been in a comic strip, the steam would have been erupting from Owen Smiley’s
flared nostrils. He snorted and bellowed like a rampant bull as he charged.
The eight-foot section of weary fence was no match; it surrendered with a single blow,
and was quickly trampled under foot.
Macgregor growled and jumped on him, and the two brawlers tumbled to the ground.
The Canny Scot and the Wiry Welshman fought tooth and nail. They clutched, clawed,
and pummelled each other like savage beasts, neither man yielding an inch until finally
they both dropped from sheer and utter exhaustion.
Pam Macgregor was hanging sheets on the clothesline when her neighbour, Denise
Smiley, arrived on the scene. Neither seemed surprised at the sight of their bruised,
bloody and battered husbands.
“Oh lovely,” said Denise sarcastically, “I see the boys have been at it again.”
Denise chuckled, looked over at the two weary combatants and slowly shook her head.
“Yep, they sure have. I swear that fence is down more often than a duck!”
“So, what earth-shattering event was it over this time?”
Pam was trying hard to keep a straight face.
“Well, it would seem that the first pear of the season fell from our tree on to your side of
“Oh yes!” Said Denise, “Here it is, and what a nice pear it is.”
It was big, plump and had a ripe rosy blush on its skin that foretold of the sweet
juiciness to come.
There was a mischievous grin on her face, as she dashed, pear in hand, into the house.
“Hey, she can’t do that, ” Yelped Kyle McGregor; “it’s my tree!”
Owen Smiley shrugged, the good humour returning to his elfin eyes.
“It looks like she already has, boyo”
Kyle’s complaints were quickly muted as his neighbor’s wife reappeared. She was
carrying the same pear, but now it was cut perfectly in two halves.
“Well I guess fair’s fair” Said MacGregor as he awaited his share of the fruit.
Denise handed one half of the pear to Pam, and the two fighters watched in
dumbstruck silence, as their wives, with looks of sheer ecstasy on their saintly faces,
happily devoured the prize.